Yuki Nuit
by Velgamidragon
Summary: Oneshot. Five years after Naraku's defeat, an unusually harsh winter steals away Kaede's life and leaves Rin alone and grieving. Sango and Miroku take her in, but the only comfort she wants is from the Demon Lord who looked after her as a child, and she fears he might die too, just as her parents and Kaede did. Family fluff.


**Author's Note: Do you know, I was actually working on this for a different idea I had, but it started getting too long for the purpose that I needed it for, so I decided to make it its own oneshot. The title is a combination of Japanese and French, with 'Yuki' being 'snow' and 'Nuit' being 'night'. I didn't know the word for 'night' in Japanese and I didn't like the word for 'snow' in French, so I combined the two. This story takes place two years after Kagome's return to the feudal era.  
**

 **Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns InuYasha and I'm playing around with the characters for my own benefit.**

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 **Yuki Nuit**

"Rin, aren't you hungry? You've barely eaten anything."

Rin might as well have not even heard Sango for all the reaction she gave to the older woman's concern. She just stayed huddled up in a ball with the thick blanket wrapped around her and continued staring blankly at the dying embers in the fire pit. In truth, she didn't feel anything except the dark, swirling storm of her misery and the wonderful memories that now plagued her. She stiffened when she felt a hand rest on her shoulder.

"Rin, please!" It was Kohaku this time. He might have sounded anxious if Rin cared enough to listen properly. "You can't do this to yourself. You have to eat something to keep your strength. The villagers say this is the worst winter they've seen in thirty years and you don't have enough meat on your bones to be missing meals. Lady Kaede wouldn't want you to-"

The instant Kohaku brought up Kaede's name, Rin shut him out and refused to listen. How would he know what Lady Kaede _would_ and _wouldn't_ want for her?! Lady Kaede was dead! Just like her parents and brothers! Everyone that ever took care of her ended up leaving her! Her parents were dead! Lady Kaede was dead! Even Lord Sesshomaru had left her! _Literally_ left her behind to stay in this village and not take her with him! A part of her still resented him for it, but… at least he was still alive and came to visit her. He hadn't forgotten about her anyway. Rin's heart suddenly seized up and her eyes widened in terror as a most unwelcome thought crossed her mind. What if leaving her wasn't enough? What if Lord Sesshomaru died too? Just _thinking_ about it made tears come to her eyes unbidden and a fearful whimper escaped her. If this was the worst winter in thirty years, then what if something happened to him? What if he never came back?!

"Lord Sesshomaru, where are you?" she whispered.

"What was that, Rin?" Miroku asked.

She turned around in her blanket and turned her tear-stained face up to the three worried people sitting next to her. "Lord Sesshomaru? Where's Lord Sesshomaru?! Where is he?!" she could hear her voice becoming more frantic with every word she spoke, but she was seized with hysteria and couldn't calm down.

Sango and Miroku looked at each other for a moment and then turned back to her. "Rin, we don't know where Sesshomaru is," Sango said, "He just comes and goes when he feels like it, but he'll come back to see you like he always does."

Rin shook her head. "No, he won't! He won't come back! He could be dying or dead somewhere and I wouldn't ever know! I have to find him!" In one quick motion, she flung the blanket off and made a mad dash for the door. "I have to find Lord Sesshomaru!"

"RIN!"

"RIN, NO!"

Two strong arms caught her around the waist before she even reached the door. She pulled and struggled, but she didn't realize that put her hands within range of her captor's grip. He seized her wrists in the opposite hand when he had the chance and held her tight with her arms crossed over her stomach and her back pressed against his chest.

"Let me go! Let me go!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face as she fought for her freedom.

"Rin, I don't care if you hate me for this, I'm not letting you run out there into that snowstorm to die," Miroku said firmly, but the strain in his voice revealed how much effort he was using to hold onto the thirteen-year-old.

Unfortunately, all the commotion caused his other children to wake up, including the infant Naomi, and her terrified cries just added to the chaotic noise level already present.

"Let… go… of… me! I have… to find… Lord... Sesshomaru!" Rin repeated, still struggling against the monk's hold. She couldn't even get enough leverage to wiggle away.

"No, Rin. I won't let you go until you calm down, and _nobody_ is going to find _anybody_ in this weather in the dark," Miroku said quietly. "We're only humans, Rin, not demons. We can't survive out there in these conditions. Sesshomaru would kill me without a second thought if I let you come to harm. You know him best, so have a little faith in him. If you're that worried about him, then we can fly around with Kirara tomorrow and see if we hear or see anything."

Rin sobbed and fell slack in Miroku's grip. Her head hung low, but she didn't respond to his words beyond that. She heard his words and they made sense, but she didn't _want_ sensible! She _wanted_ Lord Sesshomaru.

"Rin."

She wanted to see him so much that now she was imagining him calling her name. But then… why did Miroku's posture stiffen just now? Rin looked up and found herself gazing into the golden eyes of the very person she'd been desperate to see.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" she cried and threw herself forward, tears streaming down her face once more. She didn't even consciously realize Miroku had let go of her in the first place.

Rin flung herself at the dog demon and she was just tall enough to wrap her arms around his waist. Seeing and feeling him breathing, alive, and _real_ made her sob with heavy relief and hug him even tighter. She felt an unfamiliar pressure on her head and belatedly realized to her shock that it was Lord Sesshomaru's hand resting there.

"Rin, what is the meaning of all this?"

Nothing could have stopped her tears faster at that moment. Lord Sesshomaru could have been referring to a number of things, but she knew what he meant; she always did. Shame for her overemotional behavior flooded through her, but she didn't let go and she didn't answer his question for maybe the first time ever. She flinched and refused to look up and meet his eyes. She didn't want to hear his disappointment.

"Rin," Lord Sesshomaru said a little more sternly. Rin screwed her eyes shut and shook her head. If she couldn't see him, then somehow that would make it easier to bear.

"Lord Sesshomaru, please, don't be hard on her." Kohaku again. "Lady Kaede died only a week ago and Rin's been in an awful state. She was terrified that you might be dead too, just like her parents and Lady Kaede."

Rin kept her eyes shut and trembled. It sounded so foolish out loud coming from someone else. She was sure Lord Sesshomaru was thinking the same thing. Of course he wouldn't die so easily, and she knew that better than anyone, except maybe Master Jaken and Inuyasha.

"Rin, let go."

She did because she didn't want to disappoint him anymore than she already had. First her emotional display and then her lack of faith in his abilities. She choked back a sob that threatened to escape her throat and took a step back, keeping her eyes focused on his shoes. Lord Sesshomaru's stance shifted and for one terrifying moment, Rin thought he was just going to turn around and leave her behind again. Two hands caught her under the arms and suddenly, Rin found herself being lifted up into the air and held against Lord Sesshomaru's chest with his fur moving around to support her back. He was _carrying_ her! Rin immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into the space underneath his chin, new tears flowing once more and starting to soak the edge of his kimono.

"I'll bring her back tomorrow morning," Lord Sesshomaru told the others and he turned around, still holding her, without another word.

By the time he stepped outside, absolutely none of his fur was trailing behind him because all of it was wrapped around her to keep her warm, despite the heavy snowfall and the brisk winds. The fur was doing its job well, Rin couldn't feel anything but soft fur, Lord Sesshomaru holding her, and his warm breath on the back of her head. She didn't know where he was taking her, but knew that wherever it was, she would be safe with him. They walked in silence for a long time with only the crunch of snow, their breathing, and the whistling of the wind for company. It was only when he started adjusting how he was carrying her that Rin realized they must have arrived where he wanted to go. She removed her head from beneath his chin and saw that they were in a tall, but shallow cave-like structure. It might have been the den of an animal or another _yokai_ once, but it was definitely empty now. Still carrying her with the help of his fur, Lord Sesshomaru sank down to the ground and rested his back against the cave wall. Once he seemed comfortable enough, he let her lean forward and rest against his chest, which Rin happily did. Lord Sesshomaru was not usually one to offer physical comfort, but it pleased her immensely.

"Rin, are you trying to die?" Lord Sesshomaru asked.

Just like that, her happy bubble popped and she gulped nervously. The fact that her guardian, who hated talking more than necessary, wanted to talk about what was going on was very bad news indeed.

"You feel like you haven't been eating enough and this winter is too cold for humans like you to be skipping meals. Then there's the fact that you tried to run out in the middle of a snowstorm in the dead of night without any attempt to dress appropriately, and only the monk's interference prevented such reckless behavior. Behavior I would expect from _Inuyasha_ , not you." Rin flinched at the emphasis and felt even more shame. Lord Sesshomaru would not have compared her to Inuyasha if she didn't deserve it. "I'll ask you one more time: are you trying to die on me, Rin?"

"No, Lord Sesshomaru," she mumbled against his chest.

"Do you truly think so little of me that I would die before you do?"

Rin cowered even closer against him and shook her head. "No, Lord Sesshomaru."

"Then where is all this coming from? You have never been prone to such foolishness before."

"I know." Her voice was so quiet, it could barely even be considered a whisper. "I just… I couldn't help but think of how everyone who's been my primary caretaker has left me. My parents were killed by bandits… Lady Kaede got sick and couldn't recover…" she hesitated, her breathing getting shaky and the tears starting to return again. "And… you left me here in this village. But… then I started thinking that m-maybe it wasn't enough that you l-left me behind, since you still come to visit often, and maybe you would d-die too because of it. I know you're s-strong and a _daiyokai_ , but o-once that thought stuck in my head, I couldn't… couldn't get it out. A-And the only thing I could th-think to do was find you and r-reassure myself that you were alive. I'm s-sorry, my lord. P-Please don't be mad at me anymore. I won't do it again."

Lord Sesshomaru said nothing, but she felt one of the Demon Lord's hands move away from her back and settle on the top of her head again. She cautiously peered up at him and she was surprised to find his expression so somber and gentle. "Have I ever given you cause to fear me?"

Rin frowned and shook her head.

"Wrong. I did, but you never feared me when you should have, not even when you first met me. Why do you tremble so _now_?"

Rin's brown eyes widened and she gaped at the dog demon. She wasn't afraid of _him_ ; it was his disappointment she feared, but she didn't know how to say it. How could she tell the person she respected and admired most that she feared being someone he was ashamed of? That she was someone unworthy of associating with him? That she wanted nothing more than to make him proud of her and doing any less was disgraceful?

"I'm not afraid of you," she answered honestly, still staring earnestly into his golden-eyed gaze. "I'm not afraid. You're my… you're my…" Her… guardian…? Protector…? _Father…!_

Lord Sesshomaru raised one eyebrow so slightly, she would have missed it if she wasn't paying attention. He was curious, asking her what he was to her.

Rin bit her lip and lowered her eyes from his. She couldn't tell him that. She didn't want to know how he'd react if she told him she saw him as her father, if he didn't also think of her as his daughter. "I'm not afraid of you," she repeated, moving to answer his earlier question, her voice growing progressively quieter. "I… I wasn't acting like myself… Overemotional… Reckless… I know you don't like that kind of behavior and… I… I don't want you to think badly of me…" She barely breathed the words by the time she was done. If Lord Sesshomaru weren't a dog demon with keen hearing, then he definitely wouldn't have heard her.

"I'm not mad at you, I was concerned. I still am. I've never seen you act like this. But Rin, listen to me." She looked back up at him, wiping away some of the tears that had gathered in her eyes. "Someone you were close to just died. I wouldn't expect you to act normal. If you were, then I would be even _more_ concerned."

"L-Lord Sesshomaru…" Rin breathed, her throat suddenly very dry.

"You don't have to worry about me dying any time soon. I am powerful and still young by _yokai_ standards, but if it will make you feel better, then I promise I won't die before you."

It was too much for the young human girl and she threw herself around Lord Sesshomaru's neck once more, crying with all her heart like a little baby. It was humiliating, but she couldn't stop, and Lord Sesshomaru gave her no indication to do so. He just silently held her and stroked his clawed fingers through her hair while she bawled into his neck, his kimono the constant victim of her tears.

"I miss her. Lady Kaede," Rin murmured into his collar bone after her crying spell subsided to something manageable.

Lord Sesshomaru hadn't stopped petting her hair, but she was not about to ask him to stop. It was very unlike him to offer her physical affection like this. His chin was resting on top of her head and she felt him nod once in acknowledgment of her statement.

"Lord Sesshomaru, do you remember when you first left me at the village with Lady Kaede?"

"Hm."

"She told you I needed to stay with humans until I was old enough to choose between living with humans and living with you. I'm almost an adult, so can I come back and live with you now?"

It was so slight, Rin couldn't be sure if his hand in her hair had stilled momentarily or not, but she was almost certain that her question had surprised him. The dog demon was silent and Rin waited patiently for her father figure's answer.

"You're not ready, Rin."

Her heart dropped into her stomach and her mind struggled to make sense of his words, of his _rejection_ of her.

"B-But Lord Sesshomaru, why? I don't understand, what do I still need to do? Don't you _want_ me to come back home?"

"You are not trying to find a home, you are running away," Lord Sesshomaru said calmly and his words stunned her into a curious silence. "You are not thinking rationally. You're hurt and you want to make it stop, but running away won't help. You must face the source of your pain and prove your strength by overcoming it. You can't do that if I take you with me. Where you will live in the future is not something I will let you decide on a whim. Living with Kohaku's extended family in the meantime is acceptable. When you have made your choice, I will abide by your decision, but that time is not now."

It was very rare for Rin to hear Lord Sesshomaru speak many sentences in a row and he had already done so several times tonight, but now she understood what he wanted from her at least. However, the up and down emotional roller coaster she had been on tonight had completely exhausted her and she wanted nothing more than to sleep in her father's arms. Still… she had one last question for him as her eyelids began to droop. "Do you like Kohaku?"

Lord Sesshomaru sniffed dismissively. "I like him better than Inuyasha."

Rin gave a weak laugh and cuddled Lord Sesshomaru's fur tighter around her shoulders. "That's not hard…" she sighed. _"Father…"_ she thought and drifted off to sleep seconds later.

When she woke up the next morning, she might have brushed the memories of last night aside as nothing but a dream were it not for the fact that she found herself still in Lord Sesshomaru's arms warm and safe lying against his chest.

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 _I can't remember if I wrote it in the actual story or not, but Kaede didn't die from anything weird. She just got sick and wasn't strong enough to overcome it. Without better medical care, that wouldn't be an uncommon cause of death in this time period, especially for someone her age, since she would have been 65 at this point._


End file.
